3 - Transform Limitations
But if not, perhaps you've found yourself shrinking from taking new actions. This is not unusual and it's important to notice the internal conversations that are stopping you, such as "I have a full-time job and a family and don't have the time or energy!" Red Hot Mamas can have full time jobs and families and that's part of their being fully expressed. I know an attorney with two young children who goes to the gym every morning and is the president of her professional organization. She does everything with gusto and is a heckava Red Hot Mama!
But if your fire is languishing and you're frustrated, then who you must be is someone who takes charge of her time; what you must do is claim some minutes to sit quietly with yourself and make the lists; and what you can have are the completed lists and clarity about what floats your boats. These are Red Hot Mama-in-the-making actions.
You also want to be aware of any inner conversations about feeling sad, unworthy, afraid or resentful. These are the very thoughts that throw a wet blanket on your inner Red Hot Mama and Papa. It's time to pack these shabby blankets up and throw them in the trash!
You can do this by journaling about your feelings and noticing the beliefs that are driving them. What's behind your fear, sadness, anger or frustration? Were you taught to be a "good little boy or girl", or told you would "never amount to anything!"; are you "nothing," "lazy," "unlovable," "stupid," "bad"? You can remove these labels from your heart and mind by writing them down. Seeing your words in front of you makes it easier to re-frame them and view them as a made-up script , like "Sex and the City", with you as the leading character. But you're also the script-writer and you can re-write the beliefs and judgments that guide your actions. Instead of being limited to "good little boy or girl" or sentenced to a lifetime of "stupid", what would your inner Red Hot Mama or Papa say? "I'm a force of nature!", "I deserve!," "I am, do and have all that I desire!" Invent the ideas that inspire you; then repeat them like a mantra until they're a part of who you are.
- So first, if your emotions are stopping you from taking action, write them out.
- Then notice the underlying decisions and beliefs that are driving your emotions.
- Next, turn these limiting beliefs into powerful assertions that inspire you.
When Oprah was a young woman, she had to overcome feelings of shame about having been raped. By putting herself in front of the television camera, over and over, she changed her internal guilt conversation into one of worthiness. She created an inner environment that, over time, gave birth to the Oprah we know today - the queen bee of Red Hot Mamas! I bet Oprah would say, "If I can do it, you can do it!"
4 - Break Out of Your Shell
Now let's say that you've made your Be-Do-Have lists, you're setting goals and taking actions on your top priorities, you're journaling about your negative feelings and replacing limiting beliefs with empowering assertions, which creates an inner environment for the emerging Red Hot Mama and Papa. Next, check out your outer expression. Step outside yourself to see and hear yourself as others do. Notice how the prior-scripted limiting beliefs show up in your appearance, posture, gestures and movement, facial expression, eyes and voice tone and tempo. Do you still come across as a "good little boy or girl" in your posture, voice and facial expression? Do you perpetually sound "sweet?" Or is "never amounting to anything" written all over a sloppy appearance, careless body language and mumbled words? Does an inner survivor drive you to be harsh, with furrowed brow, edgy tone and angry words? Record yourself, ask friends and be honest with yourself.
Red Hot Mamas and Papas are not stuck with having to be sweet all the time, or macho, angry or any particular way. They're free from rigid patterns of behavior; they're open and accessible, flexible and expressive; able to be firm or yielding; loud, soft or in between - truly a force of nature. If your inner fire is ready to burst out of the box, there may be immediate opportunities near you to free you up - a roller coaster ride, bungee jumping, zip lining or sky diving. Maybe it's time to shake it up with salsa classes, martial arts or belly dancing; and to release your inner power-house voice through rock singing, a stand-up comedy class or Toastmasters. A technique I use a lot in my book, "Speak with Passion, Speak with Power!" is "Be ten times more excited, louder, faster and funnier!" All these will help you break out of limiting patterns, get you breathing more deeply, give you more energy and free up your body and voice - in other words, release your Red Hot Mama and Papa.
- See and hear yourself the way others do, to determine where you hold back and need to let go. Record yourself, ask your best friends, follow your heart.
- Begin taking small, out-of-the-box actions to expand your self-expression.
- Be ten times more excited, louder, faster and funnier.
- Also swing out boldly (e.g. sky diving) to experience the ecstacy of being completely out of control and fully self-expressed. You'll never be the same!
You too are on your way to living an extraordinary life. By replacing limiting beliefs and rigid patterns with powerful thoughts and actions, you'll experience more of the juice of life, express more of your fire and communicate with more va'voom! Tres magnifique!